Fact Votes Rating
Fact Votes Rating
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 2649 8.572
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 3031 8.516
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. 666 8.482
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. 3871 8.481
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. 3204 8.457
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2639 8.430
Chuck Norris can speak braille. 2257 8.424
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 2927 8.422
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 5583 8.402
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1624 8.385
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". 1872 8.314
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 632 8.269
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 1137 8.267
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. 1930 8.247
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 1241 8.191
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 1334 8.170
Fire escapes were invented to protect fire from Chuck Norris. 45 8.156
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 847 8.149
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 956 8.143
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 1297 8.059
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." 1205 8.048
In his will, Chuck Norris has specified that if he dies, he will bury himself. 77 8.039
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 1332 8.032
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch. 244 8.016
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 1306 8.000
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. 1350 7.998
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. 2926 7.993
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time. 199 7.990
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris." 68 7.971
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 1203 7.958
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon 193 7.953
In the movie 'Titanic', Chuck Norris has a brief cameo as 'The Iceberg'. 35 7.943
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 1300 7.882
They're making a sequel to 300 starring Chuck Norris. Its called 1 85 7.859
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. 1025 7.797
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 1041 7.790
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 1096 7.786
Chuck likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns. 42 7.762
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 984 7.757
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result. 1502 7.746
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 1367 7.726
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 1173 7.704
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 888 7.690
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is an optical illusion. His right foot doesn't swing around and hit your head, his left foot spins the earth so that your head hits his foot. 86 7.686
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. 1028 7.683
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. 963 7.678
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. 1040 7.638
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. 783 7.631
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. 967 7.601
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. 1052 7.598
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 983 7.565
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up. 991 7.547
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder. 576 7.524
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 908 7.520
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. 1084 7.515
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano 257 7.498
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. 941 7.490
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 731 7.480
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. 904 7.435
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins. 836 7.403
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 823 7.401
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. 969 7.400
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. 885 7.398
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. 819 7.391
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris. 147 7.388
Chuck Norris can stare you down with his back turned. 26 7.385
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 857 7.383
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 829 7.382
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 530 7.379
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." 1098 7.379
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 816 7.377
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. 744 7.370
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. 856 7.366
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 947 7.357
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life. 348 7.353
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. 839 7.347
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
1109 7.342
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first. 144 7.340
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley. 330 7.339
The only thing that gets between Chuck Norris and justice is an equal sign. 51 7.333
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 982 7.320
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 825 7.313
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way. 595 7.276
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further. 561 7.253
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye. 545 7.248
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism. 1366 7.245
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." 1001 7.232
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims. 856 7.222
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is. 942 7.221
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 1208 7.221
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 899 7.215
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 771 7.211
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. 748 7.206
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. 817 7.206
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says. 824 7.200
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you." 837 7.196
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry. 943 7.183
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. 887 7.180
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." 915 7.170
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure. 952 7.165

Only facts with 25 or more votes are counted.


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