Fact Votes Rating
Fact Votes Rating
The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity. 569 8.580
Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. 212 8.561
Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson. 212 8.519
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."		 434 8.498
If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you. 245 8.404
Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts. 314 8.395
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang. 174 8.374
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise. 232 8.353
Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay. 192 8.339
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself. 306 8.320
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain. 189 8.275
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles. 184 8.250
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk. 144 8.236
Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL. 151 8.225
Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr. T wisely checked his swing. 108 8.213
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox. 86 8.209
If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass. 110 8.173
In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools. 238 8.172
Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot. 154 8.156
Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity. 115 8.113
Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T. 92 8.109
The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked. 88 8.102
Mr. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction 73 8.096
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode. 84 8.071
Mr. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rules and building a fully functional M1A1 Abram Main battle tank, when all they needed to build was a steam-powered catapult. 78 7.987
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was. 218 7.986
Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you." 86 7.965
Mr. T has beat the shit out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative. 89 7.910
When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out. 112 7.902
Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet. 257 7.887
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors. 80 7.875
Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba. 123 7.837
Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved. 123 7.837
When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal. 118 7.822
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi. 99 7.818
Once, Mr. T joined forces with Chuck Norris to fight crime. All criminals in the known universe were instantly vaporized by the sheer awsomeness of their Mohawk/Mullet combination. Afterwards, Mr. T created Vin Diesel using a welder and a 55 gallon drum, but left him bald so that he could not challenge their hairdo supremecy. 113 7.770
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it. 112 7.768
Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle. 138 7.761
Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on. 75 7.760
Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape. 114 7.746
Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods. 109 7.734
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him. 84 7.714
The turning point of World War II was not when the allies invaded Normandy, but when Mr. T was born and Hitler shot himself to avoid the consequences. 59 7.695
Mr. T once murdered a man with his balls that why it is known as T-bagging 113 7.673
Mr. T is the original black Power Ranger. 74 7.649
What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Mr. T has found too chewy to eat. 66 7.636
Mr. T has a swimming pool in his garden made to the exact measurements of his body. He pities the fool who doesn't fitty the pool. 68 7.588
Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been. 61 7.574
Mr. T claims that the "T" stands for pain. 77 7.558
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count. 61 7.557
While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week. 107 7.533
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither. 85 7.506
Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back. 222 7.482
Mr. T never takes showers. Instead, whenevr he's dirty, he points to himself and shouts, "CLEAN!" 66 7.455
Mr. T currently resides in a small village in Turkmenistan, where "Mr. T" translates to "Santa Claus." In unrelated news, Children in Turkmenistan are scared shitless of Santa Claus. 66 7.455
The General Mills cereal company fired Mr. T from his job of coming up with new cereal ideas. Unfortunately for us all, they would not allow Mr. T to create a cereal that was made with chunks of raw meat and gold. 62 7.452
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T. 73 7.452
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence. 67 7.448
Having had enough of Nazi Germany, Mr. T landed on Normandy with the Marines, crossed his arms with intense pity for Hitler, and instantly destroyed the Nazi war machine. Known as T-Day by the locals, history mistakenly refered to this event as "D-Day". 53 7.434
Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black. 98 7.429
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you. 68 7.426
Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.
61 7.426
Mr. T was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it. 100 7.410
In the unlikely event that Mr. T ever pitied himself, the universe would immediately reboot to 1982. 58 7.397
Ever have one of those nights when you'd wake up panting and sweating? That was Mr.T, and you my friend, have just been pitied. 60 7.383
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold. 85 7.376
Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture. 88 7.375
Mr. T invented orphans. 62 7.371
Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools. 53 7.358
Jabba the Hut used to be a tall beautiful blonde woman named Susan, until she talked too much during a date with Mr. T.
After piting her to the point where she melted into the slug beast form, Mr. T re-named her Jabba to remind her not to jibba-jabba so much.		 81 7.358
When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right. 73 7.356
Mr. T did not lose in Rocky. He let Rocky win for sake of dramatic effect. Shortly after the movie ended, he went to Rocky's house, stared at him, and grunted. This sent Rocky into a coma. 51 7.353
Physical contact with Mr. T's gold chains produces the same effect as evolution. 60 7.350
Although Mr. T contains vitamins A1, B2, C, niacin and iron, it is YOU who are part of HIS complete breakfast, suckah. 50 7.340
If Mr. T wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses. 64 7.328
Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them. 74 7.324
The Catholic Church is considering sainthood for Mr. T, taking in consideration for the pity he has shown to so many fools. When asked what he would do with this new found honor he vowed to challange Stallone and regain his championship. 57 7.316
Mr. T once punched a double decker bus so hard that it crapped out a Mini Cooper. 68 7.294
Mr. T’s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you. 51 7.294
The Big Bang was actually Mr. T pitying space and time for all their jibba jabba. 80 7.288
Mr. T was fired from his job as a weather man because his forecast was always 75% chance of pity, clearing late in the evening with a 95% of pain overnight. He was always right. 60 7.283
The laws of physics state that nothing can survive entry into a black hole. Mr. T jumped into one, emerged five minutes in the past, and threw all the scientists out of a window. Just to show them that Mr. T makes the laws. 61 7.262
Mr. T has killed Mr. A through Mr. S; U through Z are slaves in his gold mine. 64 7.250
Satan sold his soul to Mr. T. 72 7.250
If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small. 66 7.242
Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba. 70 7.229
Mr. T once appeared on the show, Fear Factor, not as a contestant, but as a stunt. There were no winners and 6 deaths on the show that day. Mr. T has not been invited back. 66 7.227
Mr. T is the only creature that can survive Mario jumping on his head. Science is yet to understand the protective capabilities of his mohawk. 55 7.218
When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear. 52 7.212
Once, Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel all entered the same room at the same time. The sheer force of their combined presence resulted in time stopping for seven days while God attempted to recreate the world. 62 7.210
It was scientifically proven that Mr. T's DNA is single-stranded. The one strand did not put up with the other strand's jibba jabba. 53 7.208
Mr. T once beat Donovan Bailey in the 100 meter dash. He didn't even know he was racing, just that someone near the finish line leaned against his Toyota Camry. 65 7.200
Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you. 76 7.197
Mr. T hasn't eaten in three years, not since the last beating he gave his stomach for growling at him. 46 7.196
Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger. 81 7.173
Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel are actually the names Mr T has given to his testicles. The ability of his balls to make movies has saved Mr T the bother of earning a living himself for the past 20 years. 72 7.167
When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right. 61 7.148
Mr. T once biked around North America, beating Lance Armstrong's Tour De France time by 3 and a half hours. When questioned about this amazing feat his only comment was "France is for fools!"
 55 7.145
The shortest ever episode of Monster Garage featured Mr. T and the A-Team Van. Everybody went home after agreeing that the van couldn't possibly be made any cooler than it already was. 58 7.138
Mr. T holds the trademark for "iPity", and refuses to sell it to Apple. 72 7.111

Only facts with 25 or more votes are counted.


Partners In Crime:

Want to appear here?